Wow. What a powerful statement. Really? Utterly unsuited?
Well unfortunatly for me, I read this statement in Dr. Elaine Aron's book The Highly Sensitive Person, while I was already in medical school. Oops.
I understand her point. She was giving an example of a career that might be not be the best fit for an HSP. And she was making a point that there are careers that are more suitable for an HSP.
But for some reason those words hit me very strongly. I saw my life in a way I had never seen it before. Before applying, I had agonized over the the decision of whether to go to medical school or not. My main reason for not going was the extent of the commitment - 4 years of school followed by 3+ years of required residency before I could even think about starting a family. But I loved science, and wanted to maximize my abilities at it in a useful way. Once I got accepted, I knew that I couldn't say no to the opportunity that only a few get to be trained to become a doctor.
But would I have made the same decision if I had read this book, or specifically this statement before starting medical school? When I decided to attend, I felt that medical school was the perfect fit for me. Now it didn't seem so perfect. In fact, suddenly it seemed like the worst career choice I could possibly have made.
I seriously considered dropping out. But I was too far in. I had already invested enough "blood, sweat and tears" into the project, that I couldn't bring myself to abandon it. Not to mention all the people I would let down. With the shear realization that things were going to get much worse before they got better, I decided to continue in the "inhumane grind" of medical school.
I'll admit that at the start of school, this appalling statement above felt true. The pressure of exams, assignments, performances, and grades while maintaining friendships and my spiritual life was over-stimulating to say the least. But soon I adjusted to the routine and the stimulation eased up a bit. But everyday is still a challenge. I have to deal with the normal stimulation that every HSP deals with - social interactions, sensitivity to noise and pain etc. - plus all the stimulation from medical school. Even non-HSPs are overwhelmed by medical school.
But God's grace has brought me through everyday. Through some other resources, which I will share in a later post, I was challenged to see my high sensitivity in a more positive light. I began to think "can I overcome this insane statement by actually using my high sensitivity as an advantage in the medical field?" "Rather than merely existing as an HSP in a non-HSP dominated career, can I choose to instead thrive?"
I have yet to fully understand this, but I do believe the potential is there. First, I hope to connect with my patients at a deeper level. If I let myself, I can feel other people's feelings like they are my own. I've had to block this as a protective mechanism; but what if I can tap into it again? Second, I hope to be more attentive to details that patients may share that can help me in their diagnosis and treatment. As an HSP, I am very thorough and detail oriented; I hope to use this to make me a better doctor.
I'll share more details and stories as they come. This is just some introductory thoughts into my world. I am confident that I will not allow being an HSP to hinder me from thriving in medical school and someday being a good doctor; even better, I'm hopeful that my unique trait will make me a better doctor. The bottom line is, I'm optimistic. That's the first step, right?
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